Indi over the Rainbow

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Our first photo, June 2002.

Dear friends,

On December 17, just before noon, Indi left us for the other side. My heart is broken. Indi was my first dog, my first love.

In her final days Indi made it clear to me that she was ready to leave. When I got out of my head, out of the fear of failure and making the wrong decision, and into my heart, I knew it was time. She couldn’t walk or go to the bathroom on her own. Her bark was weak. During her last night she was up crying all night long because her digestive system was shutting down. The steak and potatoes and ice cream she so eagerly gobbled up the night before was causing her pain. She went blind in her right eye.

I am thankful that I had five days to say goodbye to Indi and to plan her parting. It was perfect. I got the week off work so I could be by her side 24 hours a day. We called Indi’s friends and said it is time to come say goodbye, and they all came. We called Dr. Chang who makes home visits, so Indi go to go in the comfort of our home. Her head was resting on my lap, my pink scarf wrapped around my neck and hers. Berkeley sat on our left and Brad was on our right. I was petting her and talking to her the whole time. I told her she was a really good dog and she did a great job of taking care of me. I told her it was okay, she could go now, I was going to be okay, and we loved her so much. She went calmly and peacefully.

With Indi’s head still in my lap I closed my eyes and I saw her, right in front of me. She was smiling and panting as if she had just been chasing squirrels at Fernwood Park. She seemed to say, phew! I’m outa that heavy, broken body! She was ready to go but she was checking in with me one more time. I said, you can go now, Indi, I’ll be okay.

Later that day I told Brad I was doing better than I thought I would. He said, of course you are, you are strong. And at that moment that I had a big AHA: I am not strong, I am supported. And I am supported because I know how to ask for help. My partner, my friends, my doctor, my colleague, and my spiritual guides all had a hand in supporting me through that terrible week.

Indi came into my life when I needed her. She walked me through my twenties and I was never alone. Now I’m thirty and entering the next phase of adulthood. I guess you could say her work here is done. I know she is chasing squirrels and drinking from mud puddles over the Rainbow Bridge. I know I’ll heal with time. And I know I will never have another dog as beautiful and important as my Indi.


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About indi

Raina is Indi's mom. She is 30 and lives in Portland, Oregon. Raina was 22 when she got Indi and her heart broke when Indi was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. Today Indi and Raina are living life one day at time. Things sure look brighter with a supportive Tripawd community.
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20 Responses to Indi over the Rainbow

  1. maximutt says:

    I’m so sorry to hear of Indi’s passing. She was a strong girl, and a true Tripawd Hero. Our sincere condolences are with you and your family.

  2. jerry says:

    Raina, our hearts are broken but our spirits are lifted knowing that she is no longer in pain and running free with our Tripawd heroes. May your sweet girl shine on and watch after all of us forever.

    Dogs definitely come into our lives for a reason, and when they leave, they are never really gone. They’re love stays in our souls forever, guiding us through good times and bad. Indi will always be with you.

    Many, many hugs coming your way. We feel so lucky to have met her, and will truly miss your beautiful girl.

  3. admin says:

    Bless you for all you did for Indi, and for sharing her story. We fell honored to have met her, and you of course.

    Peace.

  4. Lisa says:

    Raina, I’m so sorry to read about Indi’s passing. At the same time, I’m happy that you got to give her the farewell that she so deserves! I still cry when I think about Sadie’s last day with us, but I cry for myself because I miss her. I think that by getting to hold her and knowing that she left this world peacefully, well that is truly a blessing.

    Lisa

    • indi says:

      Hi Lisa. I agree: I only cry for myself. I know Indi is fine and free. I like to say she left for her next adventure. It’s like she clocked in when she came to earth to be my dog, and her shift ended so she got to clock out! I know there are more dogs out there to love, and I know Indi will never be replaced.

  5. Tracy Snow-Cormier says:

    Oh Raina,

    I’ve been thinking of you and Indi alot. Thank you for sharing this blog post and your last days with Indi. You two were beautiful together…I loved looking at your pictures.

    Hugs to you…you ARE strong my dear 😉

    Tracy, Maggie’s Mom

  6. Ken Blackburn says:

    Raina, we grieve with you at your loss of Indi. You loved her very much and did everything you possibly could for her even to the end. Anyone that has loved and lost a dog like Indi knows the pain you feel, and while we can do nothing to take that pain away we all hope that somehow we can at least share the burden of it. Prayers and warm thoughts are headed your way.

    Coopsdad

  7. etgayle says:

    raina, thanks for sharing indi with us. her spirit and your relationship together are eternal things. you gave her a final, selfless gift, by letting her go. our thoughts are with you, love never ends.

    charon & gayle

  8. fightingforsammy says:

    Raina,
    I wish I had words of wisdom and comfort to give to you as the other people have responded. All I can say is your blog about Indi was one of the first ones I read here. I loved your connection with her and the pictures of your lives together. It made me happy to know that there are others out there who really know how to love another being.
    I am so sorry that your time on this earth together is over. I believe that love is forever and where ever she is in spirit, your love will live on in a permanent connection.
    Peace be to you both,
    Elizabeth and Sammy

  9. Rosalie, Brian and Spirit Xena says:

    There aren’t any words…..
    We truly understand what you guys are going through.
    I’m sure Indi and Xena are playing together.
    I will light a white candle for your little baby when I get home, may she rest in peace. You guys did everything to make her transition from here over the rainbow as peaceful as it could be. Always remember the smiles she brought to your life.
    ~ Take care
    Rosalie,Brian and Spirit of Xena

    • indi says:

      Hi Spirit Xena’s family. Well, I guess the Xena 2000 is going to find a new Tripawd in 2011. I’m sorry we could not bike with Indi more. We had one good month with it. Did you see the pictures I posted? I know you feel my pain and I feel stronger knowing you are going through this, too. We are the lucky ones who knew what it meant to love, and be loved by a good dog.

  10. Opie says:

    Indi was a truly beautiful dog, inside and out. She and Opie and all the other spirit tripawds are romping free and having a great time waiting for the rest of us to meet up with them.
    You were a terrific pawrent to Indi. We know how hard it is to come to the decision and go through with what is the best choice. Indi will live in your heart forever.

    Take care,

    Spirit Opie’s mom

  11. I’m so sorry to read about Indi. My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you had a beautiful and peaceful passing with her. I totally agree with you about her work being done now and you can bet that she is chasing those squirrels and drinking from mud puddles – also looking down at you to let you know that she’s ok and making sure that you’ll be ok.
    My deepest condolences.
    Kami

  12. CatiesMom says:

    I am so utterly sorry for your loss. It’s already been said here, many times, but it’s so true and bears repeating: love never ends.

    My deepest condolences.

    Run free, Indi.

  13. fortisdad says:

    I’m so sorry Raina. You did a beautiful job sharing your sweet girl with us. She will be truly missed. Please except my most sincere condolences.

    RIP sweet Indi

    • indi says:

      Thank you Fortis’ Dad and Catie’s Mom. I am so grateful for our Tripawds friends who have supported me through the last four months. Love, Indi’s Mom.

  14. stephaniedbar says:

    Raina,
    I have been thinking about you and Indi nonstop since your last 2 entries. I am so sorry that your time with Indi has come to an end. I cannot imagine the void you must feel. You did the right thing for Indi. I will continue to keep you and Indi in my thoughts. Take care.
    Stephanie and Bruiser

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